Welcome back to another edition of the blog: Your favorite bi-weeklyish word press written by a couple of 5th years gambling their grocery money away.
The time has come. It has been 214 grueling, painful, and agonizing days since NFL football has been played, and oh gawd almighty, I don’t know how I survived. What did we all do on Thursday nights? Did I actually study Sundays? What even was my personality?
The NFL season is f***** back boys. Whether you’re a fan, a degenerate gambler, or are a part of a fantasy football league- I’m sure everyone out there is just as excited as I am. Tell your girlfriends you love them, call your mom one last time, and let them know you won’t be available any Thursday, Sunday, and Monday until 2022.
Week one is here, and what a slate we have to watch. Tons of superstar rookies make their debut, Aaron Rodgers is on a F*** YOU tour, and Washington still doesn’t have a name. If you have some money, invest in Sunday Ticket, it’s worth it. If you’re like me, find a stream that’ll give you the least amount of computer viruses. For the newbies out there just now getting into the NFL, take a minute and reflect on how fortunate you are to be a part of this.
The Sports Book Corner
Full discretion, I am an awful gambler. I live for the thrill of hitting a 10 leg parlay to pay off my credit card debt, not for responsibly betting the money line. Will I win? Probably not. Will I have a hell of a time screaming at the TV? Next question.
Here are my picks for week one
- Titans: -3 (-110)
- Jaguars vs. Texans: U45.5 (-110)
- Bills: -6.5 (-110)
- Packers: -4 (-105)
- Raiders: +4 (-110)
- Parlay 1: Titans -3, O52 (+265)
- Parlay 2: Jaguars vs. Texans: U45.5, Vikings vs. Bengals U47.5, Chargers vs. WFT O44.5 (+596)
- Parlay 3: Seahawks -3, Chiefs -6, Lions +7.5 (+628)
- Parlay 4: Mike Evans 1+ TD, Amari Cooper 1+ TD, Zeke O 14.5 carries, Zeke O 22.5 receiving yards, Dalton Schultz O 2.5 receptions, Gronk 1+ TD, Dak O 1.5 passing TD, CeeDee Lamb O 5.5 receptions (+12000)
Fantasy Football Advice
This is something I am better at. I’ve won a couple of leagues over the years, and if anything, I refuse to get last place. This year, our punishment is to become the peanut butter baby and walk downtown hitting your stomach saying “WAH,” and I refuse to feel that humiliation. You’ve probably already picked your team so I’m not going to sit here and try and sell you on some random running back in the 8th round, but I do have a couple starts/sits and some top-notch waiver wire pick-ups.
- Start: Damien Harris. Sony Michel was just traded, and Cam just got cut. With Cam gone and a smaller backfield, Harris has the opportunity to explode in week 1. He will be the go-to short down and goalline back. I love him as a flex but even has upside as an RB2.
- Sit: D’Andre Swift. Rumors are rolling on the internet that Swift was recently accused of murder. Do I need to explain myself further? What’s going to in this man’s head? His murder charge or getting 6 receptions for your PPR league?
- Start: Marquez Calloway. Micheal Thomas is out at least until week 6 and let’s not forget that Jamies Winston only throws bombs. With the depleted WR room, Calloway is going to be the first option all game. If he’s somehow still on your waivers, snag him and sit him in your flex. Trust me on this one.
- Sit: JuJu Smith Schuster. At this point, Big Ben looks like the guy you meet at a bar who would tell you about how good he was in high school. I doubt he can even throw it 30 yards down the field. Top it off with JuJu TikTok dancing as a WR3 on the team. I would be fading JuJu at all costs.
Waiver Wire Pick-Ups
- Le’veon Bell. JK Dobbins and Gus Edwards are both looking like they’re out indefinitely. Yes, Bell just signed to the practice squad, but I expect him to get on the active roster by week 2 and have a considerable role by week 3. We all know Bell has the potential to hit RB15 in PPR leagues. Think Mark Ingram during Lamar Jackson’s MVP season. Ingram was an older back but flourished with the RPO and read options with a lethal running quarterback.
- Tony Jones Jr. With Latavius Murray out, store Jones Jr. on your bench if an unfortunate injury happens to Kamara.
- Michael Pittman Jr. If he still is available, grab him at all costs. He has the chance to become the WR1 with TY Hiltons age. Even as a WR2, you can expect a sophomore boom from this beast of a man.
Not a doctor, but studies show NFL football is the #1 provider of serotonin for males. Go ahead and pre-order some buffalo wings for Sunday night, find your favorite stream for NFL RedZone, and get ready to experience the best 5 months of the year.
- Connor (football guy, that’s all guy)