Welcome back to another edition of the blog: Your favorite bi-weeklyish word press written by your 2 favorite smelling salt addicts.
Week one lived up to all the hype, and oh my god, I think I am in love. I am officially a football-sexual. When I die, my only wish is to be watching NFL Sunday Ticket with a 10 count of buffalo wings. Yeah, maybe my Longhorns lost. It’s a cyclical event in which I am heartbroken by them. But, hey Clemson boys, maybe y’all can finally feel the excruciating pain I feel every college football season?
Whether you’re a college football fan or an NFL simp like myself, week 2 is slated with more glory than a truck stop in Nevada. Stop ghosting your bookies, cancel your family dinner plans on Sunday, and grab a filled Kase Mate to get ready for this weekend’s action.
Outside of 2 phenomenal games during this college football slate, it’s a pretty irrelevant week. Watch your favorite team go and kick the shit out of some FCS team and bask in its glory. Alabama vs. Florida should prove to the country that Alabama is still the best team in the world. One bet that has never failed me is Alabama 1st half spread. I take it every week, and this week it’s only sitting at -5.5. If you love free money, do yourself a favor and take it.
NFL Week 2, however, is going to be must-see TV. I said last week that Aaron Rodgers is on a F*** You Tour, and I wasn’t wrong; he just wants to screw over the Packers. Jameis Winston is looking like the goofiest MVP in history, Trevor Lawrence is on bust alert, and the Raiders will go undefeated at home as long as Steve Aoki is DJing during the game.
The Sports Book Corner
The art of gambling is a rollercoaster. For instance, sometimes you go 1-9 in your picks, and sometimes you double down and throw $400 on next week’s games. There’s only one way to go from this point. Here are my picks for Week Two.
- The Football Team -3.5 (-115)
- Dolphins +3.5 (-110)
- Bengals ML +130
- Raiders +5.5 (-110)
- Chiefs -4 (-110)
- Chiefs vs. Ravens O55 (-110)
- Parlay 1: Chiefs -4, Chiefs vs. Ravens O55 (+273)
- Parlay 2: Titans ML, Cowboys ML, Raiders ML, Bengals ML (+4092)
Fantasy Football Advice
Despite my bookies’ death threats, I am loving life with my fantasy football team. My starts/sits of last week were unbiasedly awful. I’ll leave the start/sits for the 15-year-old Tik Tok gurus for the rest of the year. I still stand with my hate for D’Andre Swift and JuJu, but congrats to both of them on decent weeks. The waiver wire is hot this week, and you’re gonna want to hop on my pick-ups if you haven’t already.
Waiver Wire Pick-Ups
- Elijah Mitchell. The new RB1 for the 49ers after Raheem Mostert’s injury. Trey Sermon doesn’t look like he will be getting touches in this offense early on, and as long as the 49ers are a run-first team, Mitchell has insane upside.
- Christain Kirk. It feels like Kirk has been the guy I’ve drafted in the 8th round the past 2 years only to drop him in week 3. Not this year. Kirk has real potential to hop in as the WR2 on this offense, and with Kyler Murray as your QB, you’re gonna be catching some bombs.
- James White. I don’t even see White as an RB because all he does is catch the football. This year, Mac Jones will be your classic system QB, and he loves checking the ball down to his RBs. Never expect anything insane out of White, but he’s good for 10-15 points weekly.
- Juwan Johnson. These last 2 are my favorite pick-ups this week. Juwan looks poised to be Winston’s red zone target while Michael Thomas is out, scoring 2 TDs in week one. With the volatile state of all TE’s outside the top 4, Juwan is worth a pickup and stache to see how his season progresses. Oh, did I mention he’s only owned in 1.8% of all leagues?
- Jameis Winston. 30 for 30 turned to 5 for 0. God, I love this man. He is hands down the funniest NFL player of all time and has no desire to be. The way he moves, talks, throws the deep ball with the buggiest eyes I’ve ever seen. He’s my sleeper MVP and a comedy show nonetheless.
Godspeed and best of luck to all of you reading. Remember, life is too short for the under and never, and I mean NEVER, bet the over on passing yards for Lamar Jackson.
- Connor (Down in the hole guy, We rally guy, Texas is certified not back guy)