The “Oh F***” Meter: Based on Which NBA Western Conference Playoff Team You Root For

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Welcome back to another edition of the blog: Your favorite bi-weekly word press written by 2 amateur disk golf tournament winners. This week, the blog may hurt some people, full warning on this one ladies and gents. If you don’t take kindly to slander from your favorite NBA team, I’d walk away now. 

Still here? Not afraid of what just some little blogger who could? Alright, good. 

The NBA playoffs are in full swing at this point and this year’s bracket is one unlike any other in the recent past. Both the East and West are loaded with talent even in the bottom seeds, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we get 3-4 lower seeds pulling upsets against the top dawgs. Based on which team you’re a fan of, you’re feeling on top of the world or you’re wanting to hide out in an underground bunker until next season starts. 

Ladies and gents, I present to you: The Oh F*** Meter: Based on Which NBA Playoff Team You’re Rooting for. This scale is on a scale of 1, aka we’re fat chilling, to 10, aka I’m not a fan of this team anymore how can they be this bad.

Utah Jazz (1 Seed) Vs. Memphis Grizzlies (8 Seed)

Utah Jazz: 3

Despite not having Donovan Mitchell in Game 1, the Jazz still held their own against Memphis- losing only by 3. Donny boy averages 26.4 PPG, so imagine if his production was on the court. Losing home-field advantage in the first round isn’t great, but I don’t see the Jazz screwing the pooch on this one once back at full strength. 

Memphis Grizzlies: 5

Look, if you’re a Grizzlies fan you aren’t expecting much out of the series. I’d already be content with the performance so far, beating Steph and the Warriors in the play-in game is a huge W for a team who were 22-60 just 3 years ago. Yeah, you’re probably not going to win this series, but you’re happy about how the team has done despite its youth and lack of depth. 

My Prediction: Jazz in 6

Los Angeles Clippers (4 Seed) Vs. Dallas Mavericks (5 Seed)

Los Angeles Clippers: 9

It’s full panic mode for whoever is sad enough to still be a Clippers fan. I would’ve cut my losses years ago after Lob City and joined Laker Nation, but that's neither here nor there. The arsenal of players the Clippers have only to be down 0-2 in the series so far… I couldn’t do it, man.

Dallas Mavericks: 2

Luka and Kristaps are playing some of their best basketball of the season and it’s just in time. The Mavs may not be the most complete team in the west, but the future is bright for the dynamic duo down in Texas. 

My Prediction: Mavericks in 5

Denver Nuggets (3 Seed) vs. Portland Trail Blazers (6 Seed)

Denver Nuggets: 6

Okay Denver fans, please don’t hate me. But the series being tied 1-1 is not a good sign for the playoff map. Losing home field advantage isn’t the worst thing in the world, with y’alls away record being pretty damn good. I just don’t see Jokic staying at the same pace as a generational big. Yes, he’s going to be a great center for the foreseeable future, but I just don’t see a team led by a 7 foot out of shape dude winning a ship.  

Portland Trail Blazers: 6

Kinda weird that both teams should be at the same level of panic, right? Let me explain. This team is exactly what Portland has been in the Dame era. Good enough to compete in the playoffs, but never great or excellent in any category. Maybe this is a tough pill to swallow for some, but it may be time to completely clean ship. Dame is a great player, a hall of famer in most eyes, but he isn’t going to lead Portland through the west. He’s about to be on the wrong side of 30, the salary he and CJ McCollum hold is a ton to just get tossed in the playoffs in the first 2 rounds every year. 

My Prediction: Nuggets in 7

Phoenix Suns (2 Seed) vs. Los Angeles Lakers (7 Seed)

Phoenix Suns: 7

What a horrible turn of events for the Suns. After years of mediocrity and attempts to build something around Devin Booker, they finally have a team I truly think could make a real run at the WCF. But then, of course, the Lakers somehow fall to the 7 seed. Just to emphasize how shitty this is: Lebron has never lost in the first round of the playoffs in his entire career.  Such tough luck for the Suns. Their championship window is tight with CP3 near the end of his career and their lack of future draft picks. I feel for Suns fans, I do. 

Los Angeles Lakers: 1

You have a top 3 player of all-time in Alex Caruso and a top 10 player currently in Anthony Davis. You’re probably a bandwagon fan, but you know you’re fine. Good for you. 

My Prediction: Lakers in 6

Next week, I’ll be wrapping up the rest of the first round with the eastern conference so be on the lookout for that. 

  • Connor (C-Team basketball guy, Won most improved player guy, Still bragging about it guy)

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