Ahh yes, the ol’ extended family Thanksgiving dinner. A timeless classic filled with awkward small talk, a ton of football, and where i’m from, a whole lot of drinkin’.
For me, I’ve always been a big fan of Thanksgiving. A holiday that is often too overshadowed by Christmas, it’s a time to come together with family and friends to give thanks for the people who mean the most to you. However, it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows when you take it off paper and into game time. Kinda like how I'm 22 years old and my mom will wake me up and make me deep clean my childhood room that no one will ever see while they come over for dinner? But that’s besides the point.
The ultimate question: How drunk is too drunk.
Let me preface this with a “good luck” regardless of what you decide.
First it depends on how well you know the guests coming over. If your second uncle's cousin's friend's dog's neighbor is coming over, I would say maybe stick to a couple beers. If it’s your next door neighbor who’s been a pastor at the local church your entire life, I would also maybe stick to one or two seltzers.
However, if it’s your favorite degenerate cousin who you only get to see once a year or the “cool young uncle” who is now pushing 35, it’s time for a wild ride.
It’s only natural to start drinking early. The reason I say this is because Thanksgiving dinner starts very early down here in the South. I’m talking 2:30-3pm is towards the tail end of some Thanksgiving festivities. So naturally, go ahead and crank open that first shower beer at 9AM, throw on some soft Zeppelin, and get your day going. Disclaimer: Nobody’s knocking ya if you decide to bring two shower brews.
Hopefully by the time you walk downstairs, some people will be there and, like most of us, how social can you be without your favorite craft beer or IPA? With no shame, go ahead and reach into your parents fridge and grab a cold one while you talk to your aunt that keeps wondering how someone so handsome doesn't have a girlfriend yet.
By now, your favorite other family member should be there, AKA your drinking buddy for the day. The Scottie to your MJ, the Dwight to your Michael, but most importantly, the other person who will take the blame with you if one of you gets too hammered.
At this point, it’s time to go out back and take some “pictures” with said drinking pal. I’m talking shotguns out the wazoo. However many beers one person could possibly put down behind a childhood swing set outside of the line of vision from the back porch in sub 15 minutes. Good luck, soldier.
Alright, dinner time. By this point you should definitely be feeling a buzz of sorts. This is a good time to sit down at the kids table as a 5th year in college and hang the heck out for a second.
Dinner time suggestion: two beers max
Now that dinner is out of the way, it’s pie time. A great chance to switch to the heavier stuff and park your ass down on the couch. Get a couple glasses in you and hope the ole’ beer before liquor situation plays out in your favor.
Hopefully everyone is close to leaving at the point you are stumbling up the stairs to your childhood bedroom looking like Leo in Wolf of Wall Street. Don’t forget to take advil and bring a big old cup of water with you. Friday after Thanksgiving has never hurt more
- Matt (Head Blog Dude & Thanksgiving Lover)