The time has come, ladies and gentlemen. Where boys become men, where beer goes to get bonged, where you’ll see things your grandmother would cry about for weeks. It’s spring break y’all.
Every year, hundreds of thousands of college students alike flock worldwide to various beaches and push every ounce of their being towards partying. Places like South Padre, Panama City, Cabo, Miami, Cancun, and Jamaica will be filled to the brim, catering to your every party need. To even survive this week is seen as an anomaly. I’ve seen it first hand- many need to push their primal instinct to the edge just to make it.
You need an expert’s advice so you can conquer your way through the week. Luckily for you, I’m your guy. Don’t believe in me? During Spring Break over the past couple of years, I’ve done the following: Escaped from Mexican Police Officers in Cabo, made it 2 nights on Bourbon street with $20 to my name, woke up in downtown Cabo in a random Uber, slept on the end of beds like a dog, found my friends being kidnapped by a religious cult, survived a Tuesday in Panama City (and left victorious), and many other things that you’d have to see to believe.
The pregame (kinda). First and foremost, you need to prepare for the week you have ahead of you. Drink an excessive amount of water, take a week off drinking (your liver will thank you later), and eat some veggies. Prepping for the week ahead of you will make sure you’re not the guy who can’t rally on day 2. In layman's terms, if you were in the NFL and were about to play in the Super Bowl, what would you do? Right, you wouldn’t party a week before you’d prepare. Treat this like your super bowl.
Sunscreen. When you get there, you need to get some sunscreen. Don’t be the guy that got fried on the first day and live the rest of your week in Key West in pain. I hate it when people say they don’t use sunscreen. Like, what do you think you’re tougher than the sun? You’re not buddy, not even close.
That sweet, sweet H2O. Incredibly, some people forget that an essential bodily function is the consumption of H20. DRINK WATER WHENEVER POSSIBLE. It’s going to save your life. In the US, any tap water is free game but if you’re going to Mexico, for the love of God don’t drink the tap, get some bottled water.
Don’t get a tattoo. Believe it or not, but in 20 years, you’re going to regret that PCB Spring Break 2021 tattoo on your ass. Trust me, I already do. Don’t be the hero of the group and get a tattoo your mom would disown you for.
If sober, you wouldn’t do it; drunk, you shouldn’t. Question for all y’all reading right now. Is it a solid idea to just take a random taxi to downtown Cancun so that you can “see the city” at 3:00 am? The answer may seem obvious right now, but get a couple drinks in, and things start changing.
Bring Cash. When you’re in a sticky situation, cash is going to be your best friend. It’s also going to be beyond important for those bartenders. Oh, you need a quick bite to eat, but your only option is a vending machine sitting behind Senor Frogs? You know what to do.
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