Welcome back to another edition of The 5 O’Clock Brews Sports, your chance to see what is going on in the wide world of Kanga Cooler’s terrible betting habits.
Well, well, well, look what we have here. If you are like me, you probably lost a decent amount of money betting on JuJu Smith Schuster’s terrible dance moves to Corvette-Corvette all over the coach-less Cleveland Browns. Right?
Boy, could we have not been more wrong?
For the first time in my entire life, a whopping 21 years, THE Cleveland Browns have not only won a playoff game, but they handled the team that has been taking their lunch money since the team moved back to Cleveland.
This is what dreams are made of, right? A team that is as tough as the city it resides in finally giving its fans what they have waited decades for? What could go wrong?
Oh yea, they have to play Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs in Arrow Head stadium next week…
Now I am no Sports Wizard who can give you the magic numbers of what will happen next week, but I will tell you one thing: There will be a lot of drinking between these two fan bases come next weekend. Which fan base goes the hardest? Don’t worry; we compiled a list of every match up next week to let you know.
No. 1 Packers vs. No. 6 Rams
Saturday, 4:25 PM
Opening Drinking Odds: Packers -14.5
Sorry Rams fans, this one should be pretty obvious. The Green Bay Packers, hailing from the land of cheese and draft beers, would kick some serious butt in a head to head fan base drinking match up. All Green Bay fans know is drinking and football. Not discrediting the new franchise in LA and the out west beer die culture, but the frozen tundra has been there before. This one belongs to the Cheese Heads.
No. 2 Bills vs. No. 5 Ravens
Saturday, 8:15 PM
Opening Drinking Odds: Bills - 10,000
Bills fans, this is your time to shine. Over the last 25+ years, a fan base that has produced more funny drinking moments than playoff wins has this head to head drinking match up locked down. Nothing against the Ravens, but this is simply what the Bills Mafia does. This specific game will be special: Bills fans waking up at 5 AM to start drinking for the next 20 hours, young Bills fans (hopefully above the age of 7) sharing their first Busch light with their blackout fathers, and a whole lot of Buffalo pride. I wouldn’t be surprised if all of Buffalo runs out of alcohol the night before. Bills fans, you’ve been waiting for this moment, pace yourself.
No. 1 Chiefs vs. No. 6 Browns
Sunday, 3:05 PM
Opening Drinking Odds: Browns -24.5
Like the Bills, The Browns over the past 20 years have been pretty awful at football but very good at getting drunk enough not to remember. This is probably the only sports article on the internet favoring the Browns in any category over the Chiefs. So, if you enjoy picking who you think will win based on the amount of alcohol their fan base can consume, hammer the Cleveland Browns. You might walk away with a whole lot of money for the bar.
No.2 Saints vs. No. 5 Bucs
Sunday, 6:40 PM
Opening Drinking Odds: Saints -29.5
This one should be pretty obvious if you have ever experienced the beautiful Bourbon Street in the French Quarters of New Orleans. Mardi Gras? Sugar Bowl? A casual Tuesday night? If you’ve ever been to the drinking capital of the world, you should know that the Saints will come marching hammered into Mercedes Benz stadium faster than you can say “bead necklace.”
Although the sport of football, or Vegas, doesn’t calculate which fan base would out drink the other, we hope it will one day play a bigger part in helping your favorite team win a playoff game. Until then, enjoy these games, drink responsibly, throw your mortgage on the Browns to cover, and as always,
- Matt (Sports Wizard, Browns Bandwagoner, Gambling Problem)