Elite New Years Resolutions You Never Thought Of

New year new me, right?? After 21 years of life, I can truthfully say that I have never pulled through with a single new years resolution. I can think of the first resolution I ever made- I was eight, and all I wanted was to grow 3 inches. Despite all my efforts of stretching and begging my school nurse for “height pills,” as I called them, I only grew an inch. 

Regardless, it seems like it is more of a tradition to break your NYE resolution than actually obtain it. For all you go-getters, good for you. I’ve been brainstorming up some of the best and easily obtainable resolutions for us this year for everyone like me.

1. Eat one salad a month.

Admit it. You haven’t seen a piece of lettuce on anything other than a burger in all of 2020. It’s okay, we get it; everyone was coping with being locked in. I know health freaks out there will be attempting to switch into some crazy ketosis carbon monohydrate diet, but if you want to take a step in the right direction, just try a simple salad a month. 

2. Don’t drink that extra beer at the after party.

It’s 2:30 AM. You and all the boys just got back from the bars and are feeling yourself. Katy Perry is bumping, the LED strip lights are set to strobe, everything is right in life. You grab a beer, and hey, that’s fine- just realize the time. There is a certain point in the night where you cannot get more intoxicated at afters. An incredible New Years’ resolution would be to find the perfect stopping point at afters. It’ll add some extra sleep to your schedule, reduce hangovers by tenfold, and you’ll be one step towards being an actual mature adult. 

3. Turn your Zoom camera on once a day during class/ work.

Reality is, whether you like it or not, Zoom classes and work meetings are probably here to stay for the foreseeable future. After almost a year of online working, we’ve all become pros in completely zoning out our professors/managers. Imagine being a professor, going from having to shut up a class to begging someone to step up and turn on their camera once in the semester. Take it upon yourself this year, put on a shirt, get out of bed- and ya know, maybe learn a thing or two while on Zoom. 

4. Stop drunk texting girls that you know won’t respond.

We all have that one friend that hits up his entire contact list as soon as a droplet of Busch Light touches his tongue. Please, for the love of God, don’t be this guy. If you are, turn off your phone, give it to a friend, smash it with a hammer- do whatever it takes to stop being THAT GUY. 


Seriously, it’s almost criminal how little some of y’all actually drink water. For instance, my roommate Kyle has this beer mug he keeps with him everywhere in our apartment. Its primary use is obviously beer, but once a day, he will go to the sink to chug one singular cup of water. I’ll take care of Kyle and make sure my man drinks at least 2 mugs of water a day, but make sure you take care of yourself and actually drink water. You need it, dude. 

- Connor Laird (Wizard of Writing, Head Texas Man, Coordinator of Bull Running)

Leave a comment